Monthly Archives: June 2016

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Perfection is a Myth

Growing up my generation had such shows as Family Times, Growing Pains, and yes, The Cosby Show. We all laughed along with the family drama of raising children and the teachable moments which occurred by the end of the thirty minutes episode. Those television shows made being a good parent look easy and dare I say fun. And ultimately those families made us hope that our families could also have some glimpse of perfection.

The truth of the matter is being a parent is a scary journey. We began to pray for our children from the time we learned that we are expecting. And once that little bundle of joy comes along, we know what it feels like to wear our hearts on the outside of our chest. And here’s the kicker; unlike that smart phone or that new slim-line HD television that you have, your little bundle of joy does not come with an instruction booklet. How easy would it be if each baby came with a little instruction manual attached to their umbilical cord at birth? And to make things even easier, that little booklet would grow and change as our children grow.  

But, alas, no such booklet exists! So as parents we stumble along trying to make the best decisions possible for our children and for our family. The kids don’t get a bath every day and the house is not always spotless, but what does exist is an unrelenting love for that little bundle of joy that we have been blessed with. Those protective instincts that we feel the moment our children are born will last throughout our lifetime. It’s a good thing that it does, because that love will endure through the teenage years when your children have more mouth than common sense and through the driving years when you are in the car with them trying to tap on imaginary brakes on the passenger side.  

 Unfortunately, sometimes with the best intentions we screw up royally. During those times when you mess up, don’t get so caught up in being super mom or super dad that you are afraid to say to your children, “I’m sorry.” The mistakes we make are truly teachable moments for us and our children. If we can admit our mistakes it signals to our children that it’s okay for them to admit their mistakes.

Our family lives are not sitcoms. They are much better with no commercial interruptions.

Wishing you love, laughter and a remarkable journey through this thing called family, parenting, and life!


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We’ve started a family, now what?

One of the biggest blessings given to us is children. That little precious child entrusted to you by the Creator of the University. It is your job to love and nurture that little miracle, even through the teenage years when you are thinking every other day that this person standing before you is not your sweet little angel. For a lasting marriage, keep in mind that you and your partner were a couple before the kids came along and you plan on being a couple long after the kids have moved out. Make time to do couple things amidst the busy lifestyle of being parents. All the successful couples that Charles and I met always made time for a “date night” once a month. No it’s not easy to trust your child or children with someone else and the first time or two that you do this you might feel like horrible parents. But, it so worth it to continue to develop that relationship with your partner past just being mom and dad. You started off as a couple and you need to end as a couple.

When our gentlemen were boys my girlfriends knew and understood that Friday night was family night – we made no other plans on Friday’s other than to spend that time with our boys. Whether it was pizza and game night or a movie – that was our family time. However, once a month Charles and I would leave our boys in capable hands (we were blessed to have my mom close by) and head out for an adult night; dinner, dancing or a comedy club. And before you say, but not all of us live near our parents – my mom did not move to North Carolina until our oldest son was two. Charles and I practiced date night (and other spontaneous moments away) from the time our oldest son was six weeks old. There are neighbors, co-workers or friends that you can trust with your child for one night. Heck in this age of technology – your entire house can be monitored so that you can view everything that goes on. Make no mistake – you must protect your couple time if you want to have a success full and long lasting marriage.     

Your children are a large part of your life, however, they can’t be allowed to be the center of your life. Set priorities! With that in mind, make definite time for the family and times for just you and your spouse. There will always be things that need to be accomplished, such as managing your job, grocery shopping, housekeeping, and a 101 other things. Spending time with your spouse should never be your last priority.

The children will grow up and head off to college or off into the work force. This means that you have done your job well as parents to raise independent, loving individuals that will take their place in the world. Kiddos to you, just make sure that you are not left living in the house with a stranger or worse yet, living alone because the two of you drifted apart while the children were growing up.